Unthink Pink

Before I begin, I do have to fully disclose that I own one item of pink-colored athletic apparel that my now-husband bought me to secure my attendance at the Bears vs. Packers game on New Year's Eve 2007. It obviously worked.


Indeed, my dear husband fell prey to the gods of NFL marketing, whose mantra is, "Make it pink, slap a team logo on it, and brace yourself for the hordes of women who will flock to your store (or Web site) to buy buy buy." Or, I guess in his case, guys who are trying to cultivate their girlfriend's interest in sports to make her feel like she's "part of the team" so she doesn't want to leave the tailgate before the game even starts.

As hypocritical as it may be of me to make fun of pink NFL gear right now, let's take a look at the best of the worst, shall we? (Please note this excludes breast cancer awareness attire, which I think is an excellent cause.)

When would you even wear this? Pink not only completely clashes with the Eagles colors of midnight green, silver and white, but it also is inappropriate for just about every winter holiday -Christmas, Hanukkah, Kwanza and the like. Epic design fail here, folks.

Now I understand where the practice of bra burning came about ... and by golly do I wish they would have thrown this little number in the pile. Not only is the cut completely unflattering, but again, the tie-dyed color combination (or should we say, trifecta of pink doom) is solid proof that hippies and sports just don't mix.


Now let's get serious: What self-respecting woman would wear this watch? Yet another reason to be thankful that wristwatches are being phased out as cell phones take their place as this generation's preferred time piece. Let's just all cross our fingers they won't come out with pink team cases for phones.

Oh wait...
Sigh.

And here we have powder pink beverage coozies, in which I can pretty much guarantee no decent beer ever rests. They bring back memories of the pink bubble gum flavor I'd put into the medicine of the kids in my summer camp cabin so they wouldn't notice exactly what they were choking down. But in this case, I'd imagine these babies get a lot of action with Mike's Hard Lemonade, Bacardi Silver and MGD 64.

And let's not forget that for only $48.00, you too can have a Juicy Couture helmet charm. Because no charm bracelet is complete without one.

To be serious here for a second, I enjoy being a girl as much as the next, er, girl. You saw my gameday outfit from last Sunday -- leggings with Ugg boots isn't exactly what I'd call a hardcore superfan look. But I do find the "make it pink" marketing tactic uninventive, lazy and a tad insulting.

In fact, it reminds me being in the back seat of my mother's mini-van waiting for my McDonald's Happy Meal, only to hear the register clerk say, "For a boy or girl?" My nine-year old brain already recognized the injustice of it all: "Well what does it matter if I'm a boy or a girl?" I thought ... because every kid knows the decision should depend on the choice of toy they had in stock.

But with the the swift punch of a cash register button, I was sentenced to another mini Barbie doll in a ballgown, regardless of how cool the Hot Wheels car was that week. This time it's like McDonald's all over again, except now they're giving me the choice of Option A) a large jersey designed for a man's body that I'm swimming in, or Option B) more pink stuff. Which is why I wear my little brother's hand-me-down items from their elementary school days and am completely okay with it.

So for now, I'm sending my little pink Bears hat along to the far-off land of donations so some other sweet guy can pick it up for his unknowing girlfriend at the Goodwill store.

More on "the good" pink next time ... xoxo.